Maggan

Note for Swedish readers: This is the English translation. You can also find the original Swedish version called Maggan (Swedish) on this site.

This piece of fan fiction is based on John Ajvide Lindqvist’s novel Låt den rätte komma in. Features that have been fetched from the novel are his work, however, he is in no way to be held responsible for the work below.

Oskar had for a moment thought that Eli would attack the conductor, but nothing had happened. The man had stopped, had stood still a few seconds and looked at them, had seemed wanting to say something, but then someone had called and he had turned on his heel and hurried away towards the tracks. Eli remained, tense, with Oskar's knife ready in his hand.

“Eli?”

Eli turned towards Oskar, he looked resolute, then he met Oskar's gaze and his expression softened. Oskar studied the palm of his hand, it was almost not bleeding anymore, he looked up at Eli.

“What will we do now?”

“Wait, for you become like me.”

“Yes, but we will not sit here and wait, right? I won’t happen that fast, will it?”

Eli picked up the knife sheath and pushed the knife into it. Then he handed the knife to Oskar, who stuffed it inside his jacket.

“No, you're right, we can not sit here and wait for it. We need somewhere to be. Come, we'll see if we can find someone who we can stay with for a while!”

They took one box each and left. They didn’t need the trunk any longer, so they left it. It wasn’t yet very late, the streets were full of people on their way to and from entertainment venues and restaurants. They wandered around, methodically searching the downtown area. Finally Eli stopped, a bit further away a bunch of worn out existences were sitting on a couple of park benches, talking more or less loudly. Oskar looked doubtfully towards them.

“Do you mean those guys? Shall we stay with them?”

He didn’t like it, they reminded him too much of his dad in his worse version.

“They're okay, we’ll just listen for a while first.”

They sat on a bench some distance away, Eli attentively watched the gang. Gradually the people there began breaking up, and when a woman stood up and said goodbye Eli rose. The woman walked away from the site, they followed her at a distance for a while, her walk was somewhat unsteady, but not spectacularly so. After a while she arrived at a bus stop and started waiting. Eli went up to her, Oskar felt hesitant, but he followed.

“Hi!”

The woman winced, turned towards Eli.

“Hello?”

“We need a place to stay, can we stay with you?”

“What? What do you say?”

“We would like to stay with you for a while, can we do that?”

Only now the woman seemed to catch sight of Eli properly, she widened her eyes.

“But my dear, you have almost nothing on! What are you doing outdoors in the middle of winter without a coat?”

“It's cold, we’re freezing. May we stay with you?”

“But, shouldn’t you be at home? With your mum and dad?”

Eli hung his head, muttered. “It's not all that fun at home.”

“All right. I get it. You have run away from home, huh?”

“Mm.”

“And you’re not from here, I can hear that.”

The woman looked thoughtful, she gazed at them for a while. Then she seemed to make up her mind.

“Okay, you can’t stay outdoors in this cold, and no one wants to stay with the police. You can stay with me for a while.”

The woman took off her quilted jacket and hung it over Eli.

“We should properly introduce ourselves, I think. My name is Maggan, what's your name?”

Eli presented them as Elisabet and Erik. Maggan repeated their names, nodded at them in turn, as if to draw it into memory.

Shortly thereafter the bus came, they stepped on and Maggan paid for all three of them. After a while they were at their destination, they got off and walked to an apartment building. They went through the door and up a few stairs, Maggan picked up a bunch of keys and opened the door. She gestured toward the apartment.

“Please step inside.”

When Oskar passed Maggan, he noticed that she smelled of beer, but she seemed not that drunk. Not like his dad when he was at his worst, in any case. There were a couple of doorways in the hall, Maggan had disappeared through one of them. Oskar and Eli put their boxes on the floor, hung their coats in the coat hanger next to the entrance door, and put their shoes below.

Oskar felt his palm stinging, when he looked his hand was completely smeared with dried blood. Maggan would wonder, she would probably ask questions. He held up his hand, whispered.

“Eli! Our hands!”

“Yes. We’ve got to wash them.”

They went after Maggan, it turned out she was in the kitchen and was about to set out bread and toppings.

“You must be hungry, I guess. You surely would like a few sandwiches.”

“Thanks, but could we use the bathroom?”

“Of course, it’s the door straight ahead.”

They went into the small bathroom, locked the door behind them and began to wash off. There was a nail brush, they used it to scrub themselves. The wound in Oskar's hand cracked up a bit when he rubbed, there was a few drops of blood, he had to continue more gently. But Oskar was surprised that Eli's hand was completely healed, he could see nothing when Eli had scrubbed it clean. They cleaned the sink behind him, then Oskar felt that he had some more business to do.

“I gotta pee.”

“Okay.”

Oskar raised the lid and the ring on the commode and pulled down his fly, but then he noticed that Eli stood by and watched, with an interested face. Oskar was embarrassed, what would he do now? He felt ridiculous and pulled out his willy, but he couldn’t proceed, he was too tense. But now Eli had seen his trouble.

“Forgive me, I won’t watch.”

Oskar glanced towards Eli, he had turned around.

“I was just curious. I’ve almost forgotten what it was like. To pee like that. With a willie, I mean. Quite practical, really.”

Oskar could relax and do his business. He wondered if maybe tthis was the last time, if he would need to pee later, when he had become a vampire. There were lots of things he didn’t know, he noticed. Things that were so commonplace that one didn’t usually think about it. Like to pee or not. He would learn about it eventually, but he was curious, wanted to know right away.

“So you pee when you’re ... infected?”

“Not very often. And now you surely wonder how I do it, huh?”

Oskar could hear the taunting in Eli’s voice, he felt caught. He had wondered, after all.

“... well.”

“Like girls.”

Though Oskar had suspected that. How else would he do it?

When they came into the kitchen Maggan was sitting waiting for them at the kitchen table. She smiled at them, gestured towards the table.

“Please help yourself.”

Oskar looked questioningly towards Eli, who walked up and took one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Oskar sat on the chair next to it, he was actually hungry, he noticed. He looked up at Maggan, seemed kind. Oskar made himself a sandwich with sausage, poured a glass of milk and started eating. Oskar was really hungry, his sandwich was gone in an instant and he was about to make another one when Maggan noticed something.

“You were obviously hungry, Erik. But you,” Maggan turned to Eli with a worried expression, “don’t you want anything?”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I can’t eat normal food, unfortunately.”

“Really? Nothing at all? Are you allergic, in some way?”

“Yeah, right, allergic. To almost everything. But I'm not hungry, I’ve eaten.”

“Well, I can’t force you to eat. And I haven’t got anything but this.”

“It's okay.”

Maggan leaned forward, leaning her arms on the table, watching them interestedly.

“So you're on the run. Together.”

Eli nodded affirmatively. Oskar was engaged with his sandwich, letting Eli take care of the conversation.

“You don’t want to talk about it, huh?”

Eli looked down to the table, shook his head.

“Okay. I won’t snoop. But you understand that you can’t stay here, right? I'm probably not the best mom you can find. My kids ...”

Maggan paused, sighed.

“They are grown up now, anyway. But somebody will report that you’re here, then they’ll come and pick you up.”

Oskar wondered who 'they' were. The police, presumably. He felt a twinge of anxiety, peered rowards Eli. How soon would they come? Someone had perhaps seen them walk in here?

“Although it takes a few days anyway, you can stay here until then. Don’t worry, we’ll talk more about that tomorrow.”

Oskar was relieved, then it would have time to be completed, he would have time to become like Eli. He stuffed the last of the sandwich into his mouth and drank the glass of milk.

Maggan stood up.

“It’s late, you’re tired, I guess. You can sleep on the couch in the living room, I’ll get something you can have over you.”

Maggan went before them, showed off the sitting room. Oskar and Eli went to the couch and sat down, they heard a cupboard open and close, then Maggan came with a couple of blankets.

“Good night now.”

Maggan went back to the kitchen to put away the food. Eli fetched the boxes from the hallway, then they pulled off their clothes and lay on the couch under the blankets. Oskar tried to find any sign that he had been infected, but he didn’t know what he would sense. The memory Eli had given him didn’t give any guidance, it was so full of fear and pain and humiliation. Oskar had not been bitten, he had not been mutilated. And he was safe, he had a friend. But he wanted it to happen now, he didn’t want to wait.

He whispered: “How do you know the you’re infected? Will you get a fever or something?”

“No, no fever. But you get hungry. Very, very hungry. For blood.”

Oskar didn’t feel hungry, he had just eaten.

“You’ll see better in the dark, too. And you hear better, you hear a lot you didn’t hear before. That can be a tough, that you suddenly hear a lot.” Eli shivered. “Especially if you believe in ghosts. As I did.”

Oskar giggled. “Did you believe in ghosts?”

Eli snorted. “You would have done, too. Everybody believed in ghosts back then, and in lots of other things, gnomes, forest nymph, elfs, and other stuff. One must sty friends with those, otherwise it could go bad. Everyone believed it, in earnest.”

“But you don’t believe in it anymore?”

“No. I haven’t seen them since I got infected. I see so well in the dark now, that's probably why. There’s nothing dangerous in the dark.” Eli made a grimace. “Except me.”

“And me. Soon.”

Eli hugged Oskar. “And you, soon.”

“The two of us, that’ll be something.”

Eli made a short laugh. “Yes, that’ll be something, indeed.”

Maggan glanced towards the couch in the living room before she went to bed, the kids were lying there close together, whispering. She was glad she decided to bring them home, she had not wanted them alone outdoors now. But she would have to talk to them again tomorrow, she wanted to try to help them. Though she didn’t know how she would be able to, she could hardly help herself.

=0=

Oskar woke up again after a few hours, he felt uneasy, he had a creeping sensation all over his skin.

Eli whispered: “Oskar? Are you awake?”

“Yes.”

“How do you feel? Do you notice anything?”

“It feels weird. Not as usual. Everywhere, but mostly in my belly.”

“But you’re not hungry?”

“No. I feel a little sick.”

Oskar tried to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t, he was too upset. This was frightening, he felt like he was chased, but had nowhere to run. Eli held him tight, and it helped, a little, at least.

Suddenly he felt a strong need to go to the bathroom, he just got there in time. He got a huge cramp in his belly, everything was to get out, he felt panicky, became soaked with cold sweat. On top of everything he was very sick, he had to throw up into the wash basin, he didn’t dare to get off the toilet. It was over after a few minutes, but when he was about to get up he was limp and shaky. He staggered back to the couch, Eli was sitting and anxiously looking at him. He lay down again, or rather let himself drop onto the couch. He was freezing, like in a fever. Eli wrapped him in the blankets, tried to warm him, pressed himself against Oskar. He got a couple more attacks, but after the last he felt better, like he was completely empty inside.

Oskar's anxiety grew over time, he needed something. He understood what it was, but when he thought about it, he felt the anxiety increase, so he tried to keep it off his mind, tried to think of something else. It didn’t work, of course, the more he tried to avoid the forbidden thought, the clearer it became. He sensed Eli close by, the smell of Eli’s ... Oskar winced, he had thought ... NO! He tore out of Eli's embrace, sat up quickly on the sofa, with his arms closely tied in front of his body, bent forward, staring straight ahead, towards nothing.

“Oskar? What’s wrong?”

Oskar suddenly felt so lonely, the craving for blood had come between him and Eli. He tried to fight it, keep it from himself, but it grew stronger all the time. He was losing himself, what would he do?

Eli sat up next to Oskar, peering concernedly at him, putting his hand on Oskar's back.

“Oskar?”

“Keep away!”

Oskar had wanted to warn Eli, but the hoarse sound he had made scared him. He had to flee while he could, he got off the couch with a jerk and stumbled across the floor as far as he could, towards the corner furthest away. He pressed himself against the wall, lying on its side with his arms and legs in a tight knot, sobbing. He felt that he was losing Eli, his friend, his only friend, and he could not prevent it, he was powerless over the urge for blood, Eli's blood, it forced them apart. The loss and grief grew as a knot in his stomach, tears were welling up, he couldn’t hold them back, he didn’t want to, either.

Eli remained on the couch, a few seconds. Then he rose and went to Oskar, who now was crying in earnest, shaking. But when Eli reached out a hand Oskar moved away, and cried even more. Eli knew what it was, the infection, the craving. This was new to Oskar, he had not been prepared, could not have been. The feeling of losing oneself, not being in control, to really become that monster one felt inside. Eli had accepted it as inevitable, but still hated it, after two hundred years. He understood only too well Oskar's fear of it, the horror to hurt the one he loved, to himself be the cause of something unforgivable. And therefore, Eli realised, he was someone who wouldn’t be able to comfort Oskar right now.

Eli had risen again, stood helpless watching Oskar, when Maggan walked through the door, sleepy, in a t-shirt and panties. She looked questioningly towards Eli, then she turned to Oskar. Eli opened his mouth to say something, but stopped, closed his mouth again. Maggan stepped to Oskar, sat down on her knees, stretched out a hand and stroked his hair.

“There, there, don’t cry, I'll help you. Come to me.”

Maggan reached out, put her arms around Oskar to lift him up. Oskar's crying suddenly stopped, he relaxed and let himself be lifted, sniffled a bit, whimpered. Maggan held him close to her, rocking a little, comforted him.

“Hush, there, don’t cry.”

Oskar sobbed a little, moved around a little, put his arms around Maggan, put his head against her shoulder. Maggan continued to cradle and comfort, she was sitting with her back to Eli, who had come closer, intently watching the two. Oskar wiggled a little, moved slightly, then he lay still again, Maggan still comforting him.
Eli stood behind watching, Oskar still lay quiet with his head against Maggan’s shoulder. But then he moved again, he seemed to kiss her neck. She make a start, but Eli had stepped forward to help Oskar, holding her firmly. Maggan tried to scream but the sound was stifled by Eli's strong grip. They fell to the side, Maggan’s arms flailing and her legs kicking, but Eli clung to her, like Oskar now was doing. There were some bumps against the wall and floor, but they soon stopped, while Maggan’s grunting noises died away.

=0=

Oskar felt confused, he was laying with his arms around Maggan, his mouth was full of something sticky and salt. He sat up, saw Eli's face on the other side of Maggan's head. Eli crawled forward, his gaze was empty when Oskar caught it for a moment, then pulled himself on top, pushing Oskar away. Oskar crawled to the side, he remembered it all now. He glanced towards Maggan and Eli, then he turned away again, he didn’t want to see. But he could not block the sounds, how Eli swallowed, and sucked. He tried, he held his hands to his ears, but then the memories were clearer. He had hurt her, maybe killed her, and he had wanted to do it, had even liked doing it, he remembered the feeling of satisfaction.

He had imagined himself before to do it, on the train, but in his fantasies it had been someone anonymous, faceless, like a piece of meat in the counter in the supermarket. In reality it was a person, he knew her a little, she had a name. She lived somewhere, he knew where. Here, in this apartment. She had been kind. She had wanted to comfort him. And he had felt comforted, a few seconds. Then that thing had forced itself forward, that other being that had thirsted after Eli's blood. He had bit into Maggan’s throat, felt the blood flooding into his mouth, he had never felt anything like that before. He had suddenly known that this was his destination, the only reason he existed. He had really known it, been completely sure of it, without any doubt. Everything had been so simple, for a while. Now it was not that simple anymore, he would live, but not Maggan. He wanted to live, but why would that have to hurt her?

Oskar looked up again, he saw Eli sitting up astride Maggan, he looked like he was gathering himself. Then he leaned forward, took hold of Maggan's head with both hands, and pulled it around. A horrible sound was heard when the bones and tendons were torn off. Oskar shuddered when he saw it, he lowered his gaze, he didn’t handle seeing it. Then he was ashamed of his weakness, and forced himself to watch. But what had formerly been a dead woman was now something much more frightening, Oskar felt dizzy, he had to look down again.
Eli had sat up again, he made a deep sigh, then he turned to Oskar, met Oskar's gaze. They looked deeply into each other's eyes a few seconds in mtutual understanding, then they stood up, walked into the bathroom and washed off their faces in silence. Eli looked at Oskar in the mirror, he winced.

“Your teeth, Oskar, please fix them.”

Oskar swept his tongue over his teeth, they were pointed and sharp. He wondered a few seconds how he would get them back to normal, was on the point of asking Eli, when he realised that he knew. He didn’t understand how he could know it, but it was something he simply could do, now. He did it, there was a creaking in his jaws and an explosion of pain burst out, as if red-hot nails had been driven into all his teeth. He hadn’t been prepared, he gasped for breath, bent double, his eyes filled with tears.

“Ooouch! Owowowow!”

Oskar whimpered, he couldn’t stay quiet. Eli was stroking him comfortingly over his head.

“Yes, I know, it hurst terribly. It’ll be easier eventually, when you become used to it.”

The pain had only lasted a few seconds, now he was as usual in his mouth again, just a dull ache was lingering as a memory. Eli took Oskar’s face between his hands, smiled a little.

“There you go. Now one might want to kiss you again.”

Then Eli placed a quick kiss on Oskar's mouth. Oskar saw himself through Eli's eyes for a moment, as if he were something of a hero who had gone through some hardship. He felt better, a warm feeling spread inside. He decided to try to learn to do that, he wanted to give that feeling back to Eli.

They went into the kitchen and sat on the floor with their backs against the kitchen cupboards. Oskar felt miserable, he couldn’t stop thinking about Maggan. She had been kind, how unfair this was. She should have lived. He was sorry for her, she had not deserved it.

Eli had learned long ago not to think of his victims afterwards, but for Oskar this was the first time, he was unprepared. Eli had nothing to say to comfort, whatever he said would detract from Maggan’s sacrifice as well as Oskar's compassion, and he could bring himself to neither. Eli could only be there for Oskar, it would end, no sorrow is eternal. They remained there until dawn, when Eli went into the living room and picked up the blankets, then they lay themselves on the floor in the bathroom, wrapped in the blankets, clinging to each other. Oskar was first frightened by the unfamiliar feeling that something was turning him off, he fought it for a while. Eli noticed it, hugged him comfortingly.

“Let go, Oskar, it’s not bad. Let go now ...”

=0=

Oskar woke up to a new life. He wasn’t breathing, but it didn’t scare him. He wondered about that, how could it be that he wasn’t frightened of not breathing? It was perhaps because he didn’t need to breathe, without the feeling of being suffocated there was nothing scary in it. He noticed that Eli wasn’t breathing either. Oskar listened a moment to his and Eli's slow heart beats, they beat in rhythm, first Eli’s, then Oskar's a moment later. Oskar drew air into his lungs, a whining sound came from his airways.

“Eli? Are you awake?”

Eli filled his lungs, again the same noise. “Yes. Good evening.”

“Good evening.” Oskar giggled a bit. “We’re rather squeaky, aren’t we?”

Eli drew a new breath, made it sound extra strong. But he had an attack of coughing, he was coughing while he laughed at the hilarious situation. Oskar was lured into laughter, with the same result. They tore out from the blankets and lay and laughed and coughed for a while.

Both cough and laughter finally ended, and they stood up. But when they stepped out of the bathroom Oskar remembered where they were, and what was in the living room. He didn’t want to look there, but he needed to have his clothes. He hesitated a moment, then he stepped inside, kept his eyes strictly facing the chair where the clothes were, whisked them up quickly, turned back and went into the kitchen. Eli watched the whole exercise, he smiled little, then he fetched the boxes and his own clothes and brought them to the kitchen. They dressed themselves, when they were finished they stood irresolute opposite each other on the kitchen floor.

“What do we do now?”

“What would you want to do?”

“Get away from here.”

“Me too. Let's go.”

They went out into the hall and pulled on their shoes. Oskar took his jacket, but when Eli reached for Maggan’s quilted jacket he protested.

“Not that one, please.”

Eli paused, looked over at Oskar. Then he shrugged and bent to pick up his box.

“Take another one, not just that one.”

Eli straightened up again, looked around, there was a wardrobe. Eli opened the door, some clothes were hanging there. Eli took a jacket, it was thinner than the quilted jacket, and it was too big, Eli had to fold up their sleeves. But it would be good enough as a disguise, to walk around in just a t-shirt in winter was unnecessarily strange. Then they were ready to go. They waited for a moment listening, it was yet early in the evening and there was a risk that they would meet someone. When nothing was heard they opened the door gently, and stepped out into the stairwell. They closed the door quietly, heard the lock click, and slipped quickly down the stairs and out through the entrance door. No one had seen them, they quickly went away, towards the downtown area. They didn’t bother catching a bus, it was not that far to walk, and they wanted to be for themselves. Eventually, they arrived at the central shopping district, the shops were still open, there were people on the streets.

Oskar had begun to think about the box he was carrying in his arms. Although it was neither large nor heavy, it was awkward. Why did Eli keep his stuff in boxes?

“Eli, these boxes ...”

“Yes? What’s wrong with them?”

“It's pretty impractical having to carry them.”

“Do you find it too heavy? I can carry both.”

“No, no. But ... does it have to be boxes?”

“What? ... No, why do you ask that?”

“Bags would be better, with shoulder straps, or something. So we wouldn’t have to carry everything in our hands all the time.”

Eli looked surprised. “You're right. I haven’t thought about that. Strange.”

“You might not have needed to carry around your stuff that much before. When you lived with that guy, I mean.”

“Håkan, yes.” Eli remined silent for a while. “No, then I didn’t carry stuff around very much. It'll perhaps be different now, maybe we should get something better than these boxes.” Eli smiled, clarified himslef. “It will certainly be different. We’ll get something better, right now!”

Oskar smiled, relieved. “Fine!”

They went to a department store and looked at the bags there. There were shoulder bags, but they also had backpacks. They agreed that it would be even better, so they bought two in just the right size. They sought out a secluded spot outside and moved over Elis things to backpacks, they distributed the puzzles evenly and used the banknotes to fill up. When they went on Oskar sought Eli’s hand, at first Eli looked surprised towards Oskar, then he smiled broadly, and accepted the invitation. After a while Oskar pulled off his gloves and threw them in a bush. He had taken them on out of habit, but he didn’t need them anymore. And it was nicer to walk hand in hand without gloves in between.