We, The Infected

Hmmm....the age-old debate...



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falling_in_love

"Factors known to contribute strongly to falling in love include proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and physical attractiveness".[1] There is also a claim that "when we fall in love we fall into narcissistic identification".[2] Two symptoms that occur when falling in love are increases in oxytocin and vasopressin.
Family therapists maintain that "the reason we're attracted to someone at this very deep level is that basically they are like us - in a psychological sense".[3] Others suggest that 'the very act of falling in love sets in motion old patterns of how we love...Falling in love returns us to emotions of infancy and childhood'.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/10-sig ... -love.html

Here are 10 Signs You’re Falling in Love, whether you like it or not!

1. You forget to eat.

Super telltale. Forgetting to eat means you’re not only distracted, but that you also want that person more than you want food, so you forget all about it.

2. You catch yourself smiling.

A little love in your system can surprise you so much, you can’t help but smile. It’s half because you feel so good, and half because you’re laughing at yourself.

3. You can’t look at the person.

Suddenly, it’s impossible to hold a decent conversation with the object of your affection, because you’re afraid if you look them in the eye, they’ll be able to tell you’re melting for them inside. A good trick: talk to their forehead.

4. You think about them when you’re getting dressed in the morning.

Don’t pretend you’ve never done it. You start analyzing whether he or she would like the blue shirt better, and putting a little more effort into your hair. No harm done!

5. You realize you miss them when they’re not around.

If you’re used to seeing the object of your affection at work or class and then one day they’re not there, you’ll feel like your whole day was wasted.

6. You get jealous about odd things.

You find out they saw a movie last night and now you are enraged. Why didn’t they think to invite you? Who did they go with?? Your ears turn red as you try and mask your jealousy.

7. You’ve pictured what your children would look like.

Oops.

8. People say you’re glowing.

The feeling of being in love is physical, and like laughter, it can have healing, rejuvenating benefits. This is one of the reasons it’s okay to revel in your feelings, even if they’re for the wrong person — just don’t make any stupid mistakes.

9. You’ve suddenly become Donna Reed.

Male or female, you start bringing cookies and brownies to share with the office or class, and you glance to see that the object of your obsession has noticed. And, you keep your apartment neat and tidy in case they might come over — these are definitely signs you’re falling.

10. You can’t concentrate on work.

Maybe even as you read this article, you’ll glance and realize that half an hour has gone by. That’s because you’re daydreaming. And you are in looo-oooove.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get ... ng-in-love

There's nothing quite as exhilarating as the early stages of a romantic relationship. Just the thought that you may have found your one-and-only can be so thrilling. But, the early stages of falling in love can be as frustrating as they are wonderful. Your new love life may consume your energy, focus, and time to the point where everything else going on in your life may feel like a rude intrusion. You can't stop thinking about your lover. You get up and go to sleep obsessing about the relationship and what your future will look like together.

To some of you, this reaction to love may seem over board. But, many of you know first-hand how falling in love can turn you into an obsessed, needy, and insecure person for a time. You don't have to have emotional issues from the past to feel this way. Of course, if you do, this stage will be particularly difficult for you.

Remember, the saying is not staying balanced in love, it is falling, losing your self to love. So, if you are in the early stages of falling in love right now, and you feel a little crazy, don't worry, you kind of are. You are under the influence of your hormones that are making you feel, all at once, euphoric, endangered, and exhausted. Let's call these the Three E's of falling in love. Researcher Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa, Italy helps us to understand the euphoria we feel in the early stages of romantic love. She says, it is more than two hearts igniting, when people fall in love. Their hormones ignite as well. The nerve transmitters adrenaline and phenylethylamine (PEA-also present in chocolate) increase when two people are attracted to each other that puts them in emotional overdrive. Additionally, the relaxation, feel good hormone serotonin lowers, causing you to obsess about your lover and consistently reflect back on the romantic times spent with him or her.

Falling in love produces a biological state that is a high similar to being on cocaine. More interestingly, Donatella Marazziti discovered that falling in love also alters testosterone levels in men and women. This is the male sex hormone that makes men hunters and gatherers and more able than women to be sexual without an emotional commitment. Increased testosterone levels in women during the early stages of romantic love make them more sexual and aggressive. While decreased testosterone levels in men make them more emotional and receptive at this time. This finding makes me smile. I have heard more than one man say through the years, "What happened to her sex drive? When we first went out, she was sexually wild? I couldn't keep up with her. She tricked me." If you yourself have felt this way about your female lover, now, you know that it was her hormones that made her into a girl gone wild.

Why can love's early stages make you feel personally endangered as well? First, the euphoria that you feel can disorganize you. You are adding a dating relationship to your normal, busy routine. Your normal responsibilities at work and home may fall to the wayside, as you put more energy into solidifying your love relationship. This can make you more anxious than normal. Also, loving asks you to lower your defenses and loosen up your personal boundaries so that you can merge your needs and desires with those of your lover. This process can be threatening and make you feel unsafe. Nonetheless, this is the making of a strong, healthy relationship attachment. It takes time to trust each other and to know that this attachment will not hurt you. No wonder we can feel anxious and unsafe when we first fall in love. There's much to gain and to lose, in the process. The fear you feel is palpable. Many of you may unconsciously create emotional issues and dramas to give voice, and make tangible, the endangerment that you feel.

With all of the hormone changes and fears going on inside of you, it is no wonder you may feel exhausted in the early stages of falling in love. I've heard several people say that they can't wait until the honeymoon period is over so that they can get some rest. It's no wonder that some of you may rush to seal the relationship deal, just to put an end to these uncomfortable feelings.

http://www.cafemom.com/group/99198/foru ... ll_in_love

Sam+Emma. True love... in kindergarten? Don't laugh, the experts say, their feelings are real.

Instead, he stopped and looked at me for a moment. An impish smile spread across his face. “I fell in love,” he announced. “I’m in love with Emma.”

I didn’t know what to say. For weeks, Sam had been bringing up his classmate Emma. They’d been playing and hugging and having a grand time. My husband and I laughed and thought it was adorable.

But was it love? How could it be? They were only in kindergarten.

In fact, experts say, age 5 or 6 is the moment when romantic love first arrives. Boys and girls begin to notice each other. They develop loyalties. They start to share secrets.

“These are really strong feelings that kids actually have,” said Dr. Barbara Howard, a nationally known developmental behavioral pediatrician and assistant professor of pediatrics at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. “They really do love each other.”

Sam and Emma both have big imaginations and lots of creativity. They’d hit it off during recess, digging for dinosaur fossils in the sandbox, and running across the field, searching the sky for hawks.

Kindergarten is the moment when kids are in school full-time, and moving away from their primary caregiver. It’s natural and healthy to attach to another person for comfort and security, said Dr. Joyce Harrison, director of preschool psychiatry programs at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center.

Children also start trying out adult roles. As kindergartners, they realize they’re in the big school and think they’re supposed to act like a grown-up, said Harrison. “It’s all a part of sorting out, ‘Who am I, and what am I supposed to do?’” she said.

Some boys propose to girls. My sister got a cigar band from her classmate. A friend’s aunt actually had a boy in her kindergarten bring in his mother’s two-carat diamond engagement ring. Honored, the girl wore it on her thumb all day.

But this role-playing is often more than play. Parents and teachers shouldn’t laugh at it – or make it into a big deal. These are genuine feelings that should be respected and accepted.

Because it’s also an age when children are naturally curious about their bodies, Howard noted that parents should supervise these kids, because sometimes they want to know how girls’ and boys’ bodies are different.

But rarely does anything need to be done about these relationships. They run their course. Just when things seem to be getting too intense, teachers and doctors say, interests change. Usually, by first and second grade, boys just want to be with the boys, and girls want to play with girls.

For now, Emma and Sam have decided they’re going to get married. They’ve practiced their wedding dance. They’ve named their five children. More importantly, they have fun, and they watch out for each other. She makes him cards; he brings her the water bottle she left behind.

When Sam first told me, I think I mumbled a few comments. Mostly, I tried to say it was nice.

Now, seeing them together, knowing that he wants me to pick him up later each school day – so he can savor just a few more minutes sitting next to Emma – I find myself smiling. And I think to myself, “Good for Sam.” He’s lucky to have this special friend.

The other day, when Sam was getting a ride with Emma and her father, I bent inside the car to hug him good-bye. I noticed that Sam and Emma, each in a car seat, had stretched out their arms toward each other. They were holding hands over the empty space between them.

When I looked into Sam’s face, it was lit from within, with excitement, with happiness, with something I’d never seen before. Dare I say it? Love.

Oskar suspected so, at least:
"How do you know if you love somebody?"

I've been teaching Kinder this year and many times in the past and I can attest to many of the claims above. Though one could question the "realness" of this love if viewed from an adult perspective.
All I can say, as intrige mentioned recently, is that these feelings and children in general should not be dismissed as something less real than the adult world.
I've learned to treat these relationships gently, neither ridiculing them or making a big deal out of them, nor discouraging them or encouraging them.
Once we leave childhood ourselves there is no way of understanding how children think, so it's wise to just stand aside and not interfere with things like this. Human nature will inevitably take its own course.

a_contemplative_life wrote:Also, loving asks you to lower your defenses and loosen up your personal boundaries so that you can merge your needs and desires with those of your lover. This process can be threatening and make you feel unsafe. Nonetheless, this is the making of a strong, healthy relationship attachment. It takes time to trust each other and to know that this attachment will not hurt you. No wonder we can feel anxious and unsafe when we first fall in love. There's much to gain and to lose, in the process. The fear you feel is palpable. Many of you may unconsciously create emotional issues and dramas to give voice, and make tangible, the endangerment that you feel.

I can see quite a bit of this in Let the Right One In. There is the title for starters.

Eli did first, I do think. I think the relationship meant more to Eli faster and deeper for a while than it did to Oskar.

• "Far away [Oskar] felt someone stroke his cheek. Didn’t manage to articulate the thought that, because he felt it, it must be his own. But somewhere, on a planet far far away, someone gently stroked someone’s cheek."

This, despite Oskar's reaction just pages before:

• “Oskar? Is that you?” And so it was, after all; joy exploded inside his chest like a rocket blasting off through his mouth with an altogether too-loud: "Yes!"

where I think Oskar is emotionally moving to this state but Eli's stroking his cheek is more deliberate and I think shows a considerable depth of emotion & attachment.

Ooops, this topis is on the movie side of the story. As for the movie? Hmmmm...

That's not an easy question to answer. There's the Biblical definition of love: "Greater love hath no man than that he should lay down his life for a friend". That is a very extreme definition, as total strangers have risked their lives to save people they don't even know. Eli and Oskar got to know one another very well. I would say that they loved one other to the extent that they were willing to take risks for one another.

Other "cinematic" examples of this type of love are Sam and Suzy in "Moonrise Kingdom", who were preparing themselves to leap from a church steeple during a hurricane rather than be separated. And there's Mårten and Annika in "Den Bästa Sommaren", who were prepared to jump from a factory roof rather than be separated.

All of the characters in these movies were "in love" according to whatever their definition of love might have been. The element of risk (whether they gain or lose) is definitely present.

I would say if you know someone well enough that you would risk your own life to be with them, then you love them. Especially in Oskar's case. He was willing to risk all for someone who was not only much older, but also was neither male or female.

I think the first indicator that Oskar is becoming preoccupied with Eli is when he checks himself in the mirror before going out to encounter her the second time. It''s a very brief thing in the film, but it tells us that Oskar is becoming concerned about how he looks if, as he clearly hopes, he will run into Eli in the courtyard. It is also telling that he puts his relationship with his mother to the side in exchange for the mere possibility that Eli will come out. And when he leaves the apartment, the first thing he does is spin around to check out Eli's apartment--trying to gather some intel! Is she there? Will she come out?

Eli, of course, has bigger and more serious concerns than Oskar at this point, struggling, as she is, with her unsatiated hunger resulting from Hakan's fruitless murder. But I think she, as much as Oskar, came out into the courtyard because she was interested in him. (One assumes that she did see Oskar sitting out there shortly after he came out and started playing with his Rubik's cube.) And I think she begins to warm to Oskar after he offers his cube to her. Perhaps she is beginning to wonder whether he could be someone she could just play with--a play companion from whom she could conceal her vampiric nature. Certainly, by accepting the cube she realizes that she may be committing herself to some future interaction with him, if only to return the toy.

A telltale sign that Oskar has fallen for Eli--even though he doesn't even know her name yet--comes when he strokes his wall while trying to hear what Eli and Hakan are arguing about next door. It is not hard to conclude that he doesn't like to hear Hakan shouting at her, and in stroking the wall he acts out physically what he would like to be doing were he able to teleport himself through the wall to be with her. The Psychology Today piece states "Your new love life may consume your energy, focus, and time to the point where everything else going on in your life may feel like a rude intrusion. You can't stop thinking about your lover." I don't think Oskar is quite to that point yet, but he's heading that direction. His stroking of the wall also ties back to the opening scene of him placing his hand on the window. Here is a child who feels trapped by his circumstances and is searching for someone with whom he may form a relationship. He literally does wish he could reach through the wall--break through the barrier--and stroke Eli's skin; protect Eli from whatever Hakan is doing, and show her how important she is becoming to him.

When Oskar finds the finished cube the following morning, he definitely moves into awesomeness-land with regard to his feelings toward Eli. After turning to stare at Eli's apartment, no doubt thinking about her, he beams in the sun; the birds are singing. He's smiling when there is no one there to see his smile--we imagine it's probably the first spontaneous, happy smile he has made in some time, given his troubles at school. "There's nothing quite as exhilarating as the early stages of a romantic relationship. . . . Falling in love produces a biological state that is a high similar to being on cocaine." Oskar is definitely falling at this point. And he is distracted by his thoughts for Eli at school, as we are shown when he is turning the cube over in his hands under his desk instead of studying. It's not really the cube he's thinking about; the cube is merely a reminder--a symbol of "the Awesome and Potential Girlfriend Who Solved the Cube."

The snowy scene interval between Oskar at school and their next encounter includes a red bud on a bush near the apartment. In all of the cold harshness, something beautiful is preparing to blossom!

It would seem that Eli, too, has become preoccupied with Oskar, when they meet again that night. Taking Oskar's cue from the previous encounter, she has cleaned herself up with a shower, a hairbrush and fresh clothes. In Oskar, she has found something to motivate herself out of whatever dreary slump she had been in before--and remember, she had said earlier that she would not necessarily be able to return the cube to him within a day. Clearly, whatever may have been the source of that impediment, it proved not to be the case. Now she is the one waiting for Oskar. And although when we first see her on the jungle gym it is a long shot, she is clearly excited to see Oskar. She doesn't hesitate to come down and sit next to him when he asks her how she solved the cube. She even scootches over to sit closer to him as she pops the question about smelling better. Then, notice how Oskar is checking Eli out when she's working on the cube. He is obviously smitten.

I won't go through the whole film, but I think it's fun to look at all the little telltale signs. I don't think it's hard to conclude that they fall for each other.

Here are 10 Signs You’re Falling in Love, whether you like it or not!

1. You forget to eat.

Super telltale. Forgetting to eat means you’re not only distracted, but that you also want that person more than you want food, so you forget all about it.

2. You catch yourself smiling.

A little love in your system can surprise you so much, you can’t help but smile. It’s half because you feel so good, and half because you’re laughing at yourself.

3. You can’t look at the person.

Suddenly, it’s impossible to hold a decent conversation with the object of your affection, because you’re afraid if you look them in the eye, they’ll be able to tell you’re melting for them inside. A good trick: talk to their forehead.

4. You think about them when you’re getting dressed in the morning.

Don’t pretend you’ve never done it. You start analyzing whether he or she would like the blue shirt better, and putting a little more effort into your hair. No harm done!

5. You realize you miss them when they’re not around.

If you’re used to seeing the object of your affection at work or class and then one day they’re not there, you’ll feel like your whole day was wasted.

6. You get jealous about odd things.

You find out they saw a movie last night and now you are enraged. Why didn’t they think to invite you? Who did they go with?? Your ears turn red as you try and mask your jealousy.

7. You’ve pictured what your children would look like.

Oops.

8. People say you’re glowing.

The feeling of being in love is physical, and like laughter, it can have healing, rejuvenating benefits. This is one of the reasons it’s okay to revel in your feelings, even if they’re for the wrong person — just don’t make any stupid mistakes.

9. You’ve suddenly become Donna Reed.

Male or female, you start bringing cookies and brownies to share with the office or class, and you glance to see that the object of your obsession has noticed. And, you keep your apartment neat and tidy in case they might come over — these are definitely signs you’re falling.

10. You can’t concentrate on work.

Maybe even as you read this article, you’ll glance and realize that half an hour has gone by. That’s because you’re daydreaming. And you are in looo-oooove.

I remember and miss these feelings And yes. Eli and Oskar are definitely fallen in love. Sometimes i ask myself, may i find Her

Now this is an interesting post! For me, the answer is simple...of course they did, no question, but I can see how it's considered open for discussion.

Of all the movies I've seen involving adult relationships, none has ever touched me as deep as theirs. I certainly don't consider it any less falling in love than the others, like Pride and Prejudice, which I love. As pulled into Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy's relationship as I was, there's something about Eli and Oskar's relationship that went so deep.

Perhaps it's because they are kids, kids connecting on a very deep level, which we get more of in the book, of course. I'm moved by children in general, so it makes sense. I like that their relationship has a lot of physical intimacy that isn't sexual and that broke past gender norms, but again, I think these things only affect me as deeply as they do because it involves children. It most likely wouldn't have done as much for me if they had been adults, even if all the other factors were the same.

So, I would certainly say yes, they very much fell in love.