Elias ran like the wind, his long black hair streaming behind him, bare chest heaving as he exerted himself to capacity, and his feet a blur on the forest floor beneath him. Yet his leaps were graceful and effortless still, in spite of the fact that he had been running for over an hour non-stop. His golden cat-eyes could see every broken twig, every fallen leaf, and every disturbance in the damp earth that marked his prey’s passage, and could instinctively read its growing fatigue, inferred from the shortening of the distance between its longest strides.
There! He could just barely see Oskar through the trees 100 meters ahead, running at top speed, his blond hair tossing and twisting in the wind as he ran. His tanned body stood out starkly against the blackness of the forest in the moonlight as he ran, but Elias could see so much more. He could see how the muscles in his legs, strained to the limit, were beginning to weaken. He could smell Oskar’s lungs burning, the force of his resolve as he ran, the scent of excitement as he spotted his goal ahead of him in the moonlight; the lights of home. Elias smiled grimly to himself, as he recognized that his instincts as a predator were part and parcel of the reason the chase excited him so.
Barely breaking stride, Oskar turned and glanced behind him, spotted her, a white speck, bounding and weaving through the trees in the rapidly diminishing distance between them, and redoubled his efforts. The house was just ahead of him. If he could only make it to the porch before her, he’d have won. I got you this time, Eli.
He got his second wind as he heard her break through the forest brush behind him into the clearing. Ten meters to go! I’ve got this!
Suddenly, his foot snagged on a root and he lunged forward, clawing at the air. With a Herculean effort, he jerked it lose, twisted to the side and thrust his other foot even further forward in a vain effort to regain his balance. He failed, and went sprawling across the grass, rolling over twice before coming to a hard stop against the porch.
Eli heard the sharp crack as his head struck the first riser, and felt a surge of adrenalin and a feeling in the pit of her stomach she hadn’t felt since she saw him drowning in the pool so many years ago. This time, even her beast succumbed to her terror and she covered the remaining ground between them in a single bound. The warm glow from the porch light eerily illuminated his motionless body.
She was on him in an instant, arms around him, her fingers frantically searching for … something; anything to assure her that he was … still here; still with her. She gently rolled him over on his back and held his sweet face in her hands. “Oskar!” Elias pressed his cheek against his chest, heard his strong, steady heartbeat, and with a soft sob of relief, slid up against him and held him tightly, gently searching the contours of his face with his fingers. “Oskar?! You’ve won! You won, Oskar! You beat me.” He trembled uncontrollably as Oskar lay there motionless, his eyes closed.
Then, ever so slowly, as though he were watching from somewhere high above them both, he saw himself move up over him, slowly; stealthily; his movements mindlessly channeling the ancient urges of his mysterious primordial origins, until his mouth was against Oskar’s neck. He felt his fangs move in his mouth; he felt the conflicting combination of his deep love, his blood-lust, his terror, and his loneliness rise up, as his lips curled back and he pressed his fangs against his neck. You’ll be with me forever. Forever! I’ll not risk losing you again! I WILL NOT be alone again! But something, some small movement perhaps, or perhaps some tiny spark kindled by her new humanity; a gentle humanity that Oskar had long ago awakened in her, made her pause and slowly move away from his neck, still straddling his limp body, still cradling his head in her hands.
His eyes opened, and he smiled gently at her, “You’re beautiful; you know that? You’re so beautiful.” He said softly.
With a deep sigh, she collapsed on his chest. “Oh Oskar! I…I almost…” she shuddered.
“I know, Eli.” He reached up and stroked her cheek. Then he gently pulled her back against his neck and lovingly moved his hands over her back and shoulders. “And, as soon as I felt your fangs against my neck, I was already forgiving you.”
“But…”
He put his finger to her lips. “I understand, Eli. Don’t be sorry. You’ve nothing to be sorry about.” He paused a moment. “Eli I am so afraid for you. Afraid of what your life will be like after I’m gone.” He shook his head in disgust. “I’m so selfish! I’m the one who will eventually die with you by my side, so I haven’t given those distant years nearly enough thought. I hadn’t remembered that, to you, I will have been only a brief moment in your eternal life.” The deep loneliness he had felt as Eli left her apartment that night in Blackeberg for what he had thought was the last time, washed over him; at the same time he realized it was a mere shadow of the loneliness she had felt before she had met him, and would feel even more profoundly after his death.
“Please…I…I don’t want to think about it right now.”
But Oskar was wrong. Elias could see clearly the end of his life. He could see it as clearly as he could see Oskar’s lifeless body lying at the foot of the porch steps. The exact moment of his death would come the next morning with the sun, but he will have died with him that night, in front of the beautiful home they had picked out together. And this was a secret he would never share with Oskar. It would hurt him too deeply, he knew. He knew Oskar’s solace at the thought of being separated from him by death, was largely his knowledge that Elias would live on; perhaps to find another like himself to love. But Elias’ solace in his own death would come from the knowledge that he had spent his life protecting Oskar from his darkness, and finally, from his death itself.
Oskar felt her tremble softly against him. She’s even more frightened of my death than I imagined her to be. He pressed his cheek against hers and kissed her gently on the neck.
Finally, after shaking away the cobwebs, he slowly sat up, rubbed his head, and, reluctantly, let Eli help him up the stairs. “I’m fine, Eli. Really! I was just…resting.” He grinned at her.
“Yeah. Sure.” Elias helped him through the door, sat him down on the sofa, and gently probed his head with his fingers.
“Ouch! Easy there, sport.” Damn! Now she’s going to be even more worried.
“Stay!” Elias got up quickly and disappeared into the kitchen. He reappeared quickly with a cold beer in his hand. “Here! But put it against your bump for a while before you drink it. I know it’ll be hard for you, but try practicing a bit of self-control.” His stern voice was betrayed by the smile on his face.
Oskar chuckled to himself, “Eli, you never cease to amaze me.” He defiantly took a big gulp, then pressed the bottle against his still-rising bump. I’ve got to fix this. She’s lived under the shadow of my inevitable death for too long. It’s not fair. And it’s all I have left that I can give her. And it’s getting harder for her to put on her game face all the time. She’s too wise for her own good, and she’s lived too long to lose herself in life’s illusions. He knew. She had taught him well.
They sat together silently on the sofa for awhile. Oskar leaned his head back against the soft cushion, deep in thought. Eli took his hand in her lap and absently intertwined her fingers with his; first one hand; then the other. Then she ran her hand softly and tentatively up and down his arm, examining it intently, as though she were searching for something, something she knew she would never find. Finally, she made a tiny noise –– a small sigh, and quietly climbed into his lap. He could feel her warm breath and her soft cheek against his bare chest, as she gently put her arms around him and closed her eyes.
Sometimes she’s so very very small, he thought to himself. So delicate; so fragile – like a china doll. He wondered how she could be all those things; gentle, loving, vulnerable, and achingly sweet, with her raging darkness, her beast, and her mindless hunger so near. To him, it spoke of some great inner strength -- that part of her that kept them apart. He wondered if he would be able to do it, even half as well.
Finally, she rose up, took him by the hand and led him into the bathroom. They undressed and stepped into the warm shower together, bathing each other as had become their custom through the years, even as Oskar had matured enough to understand the deep meaning the ritual had for her. It had never been discussed between them, but he knew. Perhaps it was the idea that he, the one she loved the most, would take the time and effort to do this small thing for her; he wasn’t sure. But he knew it was her way of assuaging her guilt and distancing herself from her darkness. And it worked for him in so many other ways. All that she meant to him became clear in these moments with this simple, unassuming gesture. It was the idea that he found pleasure in gently cleansing her; perhaps even baptizing her – purifying her, over and over again, for much the same reason he found pleasure in planting flowers every spring in front of their beautiful home; the home that he loved so because it had made them both so happy, and given them their roots.
He lost himself in her eyes.
And she was lost in his, as they did this simple thing for each other.
“Eli? I want to…become like you,” he said softly, as he gently dried her hair. He kissed her on top of her head, breathing in the sweet smell of her cleanness and her rose-scented hair; then he wrapped her towel around her shoulders and they walked together into the bedroom. He realized now that this was the answer. This was the thing he could give her that would make her truly happy.
She cocked her head. “What? What do you mean?” She brushed his hair back and sat on the bed next to him.
“I mean I want you to … infect me, so I can be with you forever. I don’t want you to be alone. Ever again.”
She felt a lump in her throat. Was he really asking this of her? For a moment, her heart leaped for joy; her face became flushed and she could feel a deep sadness rise up; the repressed sadness that comes when you finally realize an impossible dream is about to come true; one that will lift an unbearable burden from your shoulders forever. But then, the consequences, the reality of what he, in his innocence, had asked of her came flooding back. “Oskar, I…I can’t.”
“You don’t have to…bite me or anything. I mean, we could do it by mixing blood. You said so yourself. You wouldn’t have to…”
“No Oskar, you don’t understand. I won’t do it. Ever.”
“Why not? You told me you didn’t have to kill for food any more. Isn’t that a good thing?”
“It’s a small thing, Oskar. A small thing that makes our house our home. Nothing else.”
“I don’t understand. You’re not killing anymore, so…”
“The killing…is horrible, and I’m glad to be able to finally survive without it, but the desire to kill is always with me, and would be with you too. It colors my life. And the colors are … not pleasant.
“I still don’t understand.”
She abruptly stood, turned, and put her hands firmly on his shoulders. She stepped between his legs, leaned down, gently tilted his head back, and kissed him.
Oskar felt his teeth sink into the man’s neck. He felt the tendons snap and his ribs break as his legs squeezed him in their vise-like grip. He felt small fists pounding on his back as he twisted the now unconscious man and eagerly drank the last of the blood as it surged from the gaping wound. “Leave him alone! Stop! Please stop!” He saw the look of terror on the child’s face as he released his father, grabbed the boy by the hair, and eagerly lunged for the impossibly small throat. He saw the arterial blood spatter on the boy’s beautiful blond hair, heard his screams of agony, and the awful sound of his bones breaking as he wrapped his legs around him, pressed his mouth against his neck and crushed him to death, wringing him out like a wet sponge. Finally, he felt the tears running down his face as he twisted their heads, listening for the final release of their souls; the sounds of their spinal cords twisting and snapping. Then he laid them out carefully on the ground, side by side, father and brave son, for the man’s wife and the son’s mother to find the next morning. He unfurled his wings and disappeared into the night.
He saw himself walking down a familiar city street, hand-in-hand with – himself! Oskar! Tall, muscular and …older. Oskar! Now. Or perhaps a week ago; she couldn’t remember for sure, as she looked up at him. It was an evening like all the others; pleasant and unremarkable, at least as Oskar had remembered it. They had passed a young couple with a small child, perhaps six…or seven. Oskar had smiled at them. They smiled back and the little girl shyly clung to her mother’s arm, as Oskar told her what a pretty little girl she was.
Elias smiled at her, detached, as he vividly imagined his fangs sinking into her neck, and her sweet blood on his lips. “What a nice smile you have,” he said. Eli could feel herself salivating. She gritted her teeth and shook it off, but the image lingered, polluting her mind, destroying any chance she had to reconnect herself to the child’s humanity. She gripped Oskar’s hand tightly, and forced the image away. If it weren’t for Oskar …
Eli released him and stepped back away from him, her head down, ashamed of what she had just shown him. She desperately hadn’t wanted him to know what she went through on a daily basis; how those awful thoughts constantly intruded themselves on her life, constantly reminding her of what she really was when the chips were down. And Oskar wants to be like this? Never!
“Now you know.”
“Oh, Eli, how can you stand it? How do you survive?” He took her small hands in his, and squeezed them tightly. No matter how strong he had imagined her to be, he realized now she was stronger still.
“Because of you. Only because of you,” she said softly. “And if I do this…thing to you, you’ll be gone. There will be two monsters instead of one. Who will save us then? There will be no one left to save us.”
“But I don’t want you to be alone! I want to be with you always. I can’t stand the thought of you having to go back to your awful existence before…before we met.” His voice trailed off. Damn her! Why is she always right? She always knows when there’s no answer to the hard questions.
“Please Oskar, you’re all I have. I don’t want to lose you. Can’t you see that? You’re right! I know I’ll probably… survive somehow when you’re gone,” she lied, “but I can’t lose you now. Not that way. It’s too soon.”
He stood up angrily, “Why is it that all the sacrifices are made by you? I feel as though your pulling all the weight in our relationship. You do it all. The house? Your money. My job? My shop? Your money again. I’m just now beginning to make money after two years. I’d have to live forever just to pay you back. I don’t even have a high-school education. I’d probably be a drunken loser like my dad if it weren’t for you.”
“That’s not true, Oskar. Look how hard you work! The hobby shop was in terrible shape when you took it over. You rebuilt and restocked all the shelves, painted the whole place, and started the hobby kit classes on Saturdays and the puzzle-making classes on Sunday afternoon. Half the kids in town visit the shop now. And the giant cubic-meter Rubik’s cube over the door was even in the newspapers.”
Oskar smiled in spite of himself. “Yeah that WAS fun wasn’t it? And the fact that it was a working model sure helped. It took a dozen kids two hours to solve it on opening night, under my direction. But, of course, you’re the one that taught ME how to solve it.” He remembered how much fun it had been; and most of all, he remembered Eli smiling at him, so proud of him, so proud that everyone liked him so much.
“And it’s what you love to do, Oskar. You’re so kind and sweet, and all the kids know it. It’s because of you that the shop is doing so well. You made it successful in just a couple of years.”
He threw his hands up, exasperated. “Eli, I just want to do something for you; something that will really matter to you.”
“Oskar, you’ve already done that. You came with me. When you were only 12. There’s nothing I could ever do to match that sacrifice. You gave up a warm, secure home and lived with me in caves, in dumpsters, in abandoned buildings, and in holes in the ground. You waited for me in the dark every night when I was out…feeding – even those nights when I couldn’t make it back in time and you were alone all day wondering if you would ever see me again. And you were always there when I came back, and were never angry with me. You endured living around…those awful people who lived like we had to and you never complained.” She took his hands in hers. “And you took care of me when I hibernated.” She remembered how frightened she had been when she realized it was beginning; she was terrified that she would finally wake up next to Oskar’s frozen body. Instead, she had awakened to a crackling fire, and Oskar’s sweet smile. He had immediately slipped into bed with her, heedless of the warnings she had given him about her raging hunger, and wrapped himself around her to warm her up. And he had just turned 13.
And she was never cold again.
“I was so afraid for you! I never really thought about anything else. You brought me books. You always made sure we had a lantern so I could read. You told me stories and you always comforted me and held me when I was afraid. I remember how much I loved you for all the things you did for me.” He knew it had been no sacrifice for him to come with her. Why was that so hard for her to understand?
Finally, he took her face in his hands. “If something were to ever happen to you, I’d die.” He knew this. It was just a simple truth to him.
Yes Oskar. I feel the same way. Elias smiled at him. “Nothing’s going to happen to me. You’re the weakling in the family, remember?”
“Yes.” He looked down at his feet, ashamed somehow; ashamed that he was only human, and when the chips were down, was completely incapable of taking care of the mysterious creature he had fallen in love with.
“It doesn’t matter, Oskar. You know that, right?”
“It matters to me.” He looked up at her. “But I’m old enough now to know there’s nothing I can do about it.” He paused, “But you know me well enough to know it’s not going to keep me from trying.”
Elias smiled at him, then touched his bump tenderly, eased him down onto the bed and pulled the blankets up over him. “Are you all right? Does it still hurt? Maybe you should see the doctor tomorrow.”
“I’m fine, Eli. Really. It’s just a little bump.”
“If I decide you should see the doctor in the morning, will you go?”
“Yes, yes. If that’s what you want. Now come to bed.” He tried to sound cross, but failed miserably. His false bravado never worked with Elias anyway. He didn’t know why he bothered anymore. He took her small hand and rubbed it briskly between his much larger ones. Elias smiled at him and slipped into bed next to him.
“Eli?”
“What?”
“I beat you! And it was the same handicap as last week when you beat me.”
“I know.”
“How does that make you feel?” he tousled her hair playfully.
“Well, we’ll try it again next week. Maybe you’ll be able to do it standing up next time…Ouch!” Oskar whacked her on the behind.
“I wouldn’t start something you can’t finish, if I were you,” Elias warned.
“I’m finished.” He grinned at her. He pulled her up against him and wrapped his arms around her.
She turned her head to the side and pressed her ear against his heart. Oskar fell asleep almost immediately, exhausted.
Eli lay awake, listening to the sounds of his blood coursing endlessly through his body. She listened carefully for the telltale signs of stress, of arterial blockage. She could hear the soft, rustling sounds of his red cells as they gently brushed against one another, moving swiftly through his arteries and more slowly and smoothly through his veins and back to his heart. She moved her hand gently to his wound, feeling the warmth, the swelling, the throbbing. She held her breath and slowed her heart beat to less than one per minute, and in the stillness could feel the blood flowing through the tiny capillaries surrounding the wound, the platelets as they gathered against the tiny ruptures and sealed them off so they could heal themselves. She could feel the evenly-distributed heat radiating from his undamaged brain, the elevated temperatures around the wound, but not in the underlying tissue nearer his brain, and sighed with relief. She lay there awake all night, immersed in his beautiful life force going about its business, healing him; keeping him safe and alive, just for her. Only for her.